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‘I, just had a muscle spasm in my back. Nothing to worry about.’ ‘Oh. Okay.’ ‘Leno, Letterman or Nightline?’ I asked. We had real issues to discuss. ‘Doesn’t matter.’ ‘I think we might want to consider a compromise here.’ I was only offering the possibility. I had not lost by speaking first. ‘Which one is the compromise?’ he asked. ‘None of them.’ ‘So you’re suggesting?’ ‘Hey, you’re the man. You have the remote.’ He hesitated before he picked it up, held it in his hand as if really making a decision and turned off the set. We both dashed for the bedroom, shedding clothes along the way. The first time was not going to be a feast to be savored. We had allowed ourselves to become far too hungry. We went at each other with a frenzy, interrupted several times when we burst into uncontrollable laughter based, I assume, on the incongruity of the endless foreplay where we did nothing for hours followed by a brief flurry of activity where we tried to make up for everything we could have done. 'Make him crawl round the living-room on his stomach. Then turn him over and drag him backto where he is now.''Fucking great,' I said to myself.'What was that, boy?' asked Boz.'Nothing, sir,' I whimpered. 'Crawling, dragging; it'sall fine with me, sir.''You have no say in the matter, turd,' said Neil, as hekicked me in the side. 'Your arse is ours now, so buttonyour lip and start crawling.'I was kicked several more times as Neil 'encouraged' meto crawl round the living-room, twice. I was then draggedround the room, twice - once on my front and once on myback. Warren seemed pleased that his suggestion had beenincluded in the drying process.'Now raise him up and fuck his brains out,' said Boz.'I'll go get some salt to rub into his chest, back andarse,' said Saka, who was hovering by the kitchen door-way. 'He mustn't get sick.''Good idea,' said Neil. 'Let's make him squeal like thepig he is.'I had to get to the bathroom window; it was my only hopeof getting away from these fucking.
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